xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
