i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
