I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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