At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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