I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
