I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
