who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
