Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
