Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
