youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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