Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
