Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Mom said you looked used
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
