Having a random hookup so left but love u
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
