You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
