I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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