Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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