If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
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