i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
