You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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