There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
