Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
