she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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