i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
