I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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