i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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