she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
