I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
