Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
