Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
