She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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