I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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