I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
