I can't breathe out the right side of my face
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
