3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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