Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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