well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
