Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
