I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
