After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
