I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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