I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
