I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
