When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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