Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
