He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
