what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
