I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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