After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
