Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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