I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
