Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
