I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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