this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
