I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
