Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
