You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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