Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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