im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
